The 2017-First-Toddler-Road-Trip was a success.
That said, it wasn’t all rainbows and beachy California waves. I mean, you haven’t been a parent until you’re stranded below deck in the USS Midway and your toddler has a complete meltdown in the engine room while kind and gentlemanly Vietnam vets look on.
You haven’t experienced the complete joy of pitting out in broiling temperatures while you lug your shrieking two-year-old up flights and flights and oh-the-flights of stairs in desperate search of an exit only to realize the exit is another two freaking flights up.
You haven’t fathomed the embarrassment of trying to calm your toddler and hearing the whispered and horrified OHMYGOD’s of gawking passersby.
You haven’t tried to do the decent thing and remove your child from society by squeezing through the maze of narrow, claustrophobic hallways and cubicles only to get stuck behind a line of people who can’t move to let you pass because there is literally no way to move.
You haven’t heard the inhuman screech of your child (who legit really sounds like a seagull instead of a crying human being) echo throughout the corridors as if a ghost were being racked.
You haven’t finally found the exit, only to have your child slap your face in the middle of the gallery and then launch herself onto the ground in a crumpled ball of flying-fists.
You haven’t panic-hissed WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME in her ear and then two seconds later are swarmed by guilt and then you try to hug her only to get kicked in the boob.
You haven’t relished the nearby snack stand and frantically purchased an ice cream bar that ends up soothing her more than hugs and consolation ever can.
Despite all this, you HAVE had a fabulous road trip with your toddler, who was a trouper in the car, the restaurants and on the beach. You have sipped rose in 70-degree temps and listened to the Lumineers and watched your daughter herd bunnies like a pro. You haven’t regretted a second and you will do it again in a very fast heartbeat.
Photos for your viewing pleasure.