Turnin’ Tricks & Tips To Get the Best Damn Concert Tickets You Can

I rarely get hot and bothered and exert an excess amount of physical energy, because you know, the couch, but when I do, you can bet your ass it has something to do with music. Now when it comes to getting concert tickets for my favorite bands/musicians, I consider myself a pro.

Up-close-and-personal is what I want to be when my favorite band rolls into town. And I’ve been pretty successful. Nostril-seeing successful. Hugging-Hanni-El-Khatib-successful.


yesssss, let’s just bask in this moment of glory.

Yesssss, let’s just relive this moment of glory.


So while my skill set is mostly limited to lifting a wine glass, I thought I’d share my fight-to-the-death concert ticket scoring moves because, sometimes you can’t win ‘em all, but you sure as hell can beat out the next person.


How I look when I try to get concert tickets.

How I look when I try to get concert tickets.


1. Be Nosy

First — sign up for your favorite musicians/bands’ mailing lists. Usually, this gets you access to pre-sale tickets. They typically send you a special code so you’ll have first dibs over all the other uninformed peasants.

Next, follow the band on Facebook and Twitter.

Another helpful site to become extra-stalker-ish is Bandsintown. It’s the easiest way to get mass notifications of when…well, your bands are in town. Track your favorite acts by adding them to your queue and you’ll get email alerts the second a tour is added in your city. You can also view past and upcoming tours to make you extra jealous and extra sad that you can’t attend.


2. Keep Your Whore Mouth Shut

You will turn into Judas in this step. Potentially jilt a lover or a best friend.

Do NOT announce your ticket purchasing plans. Keep them on the down low and off social media and out of your circle of friends and the general population. The less people who know about pre-sale, the better.


3. Cancel Plans

I don’t care if it’s the rapture, the instant you know the date tickets go on sale, mark your calendar. Note the time zone.

Come purchasing day, I don’t give a good goddamn what your plans are. You cancel that shit. Call in sick to work. Lock up your pets and children. Seclude yourself. There must be no interruptions. All the focus is on your tickets. Practice sour bitchface if someone dares question your actions.


I will cut you.

I will cut you.


4. Be a Multitasking Mofo

Okay, the day of purchase is here. Be prepared to multi-task like you’ve never multitasked before. You have three options to get tickets.  And you have to be fast.

First, use the website. This isn’t rocket science.

Second, dial the box office number on your phone and be ready to call if the website won’t work or if you aren’t getting the tickets you want. Practice your whiny voice and be prepared to pitch a fit.

Third, if the vendor is Ticketmaster, download the app. The free mobile app “typically allocates tickets especially for mobile sales” AND you get to bypass that pesky security code.


Welp, I've always considered myself more of a cock gobbler, but this'll have to do...

Welp, I’ve always considered myself more of a cock gobbler, but this’ll have to do…


5. Two Is the Best Number

Do NOT volunteer to buy more than two tickets. For you and a friend. For you and your partner. Keep it easy. Having to buy more than two royally screws you over. It’s easier to buy two good tickets up close, than having to wrangle four together. You’ll get pushed to the back of the bus…and the nosebleed sections.


6. Have a Happy Trigger Finger

If you’re buying online, get on ten minutes before the tickets go on pre-sale. Say it’s 10am. At 9:58am, log in with the pre-sale code and starting hitting refresh. Hit it over and over until you get access. A bit Arkham Asylum? Perhaps. However, when I do this I always wind up two rows from the stage, so I ain’t stopping my OCD for the men in white coats.


7. Don’t Be Picky

Now you’re logged on. Work fast and pull up the seating chart. Zero in on what you want and go for it. Be decisive; do not take a few lovely minutes to ponder where you’d like to sit. Getting the best tickets means just selecting your seat STAT. If the tickets are gone when you try to purchase, don’t be picky. Just back that ass up a row and try again.


8. Have a Plan B

Yes, Plan B may come in handy AFTER the concert, but right now, this isn’t what I’m talking about.

Okay, so your best laid plans failed, despite my amazingly awesome tips, and you got shit tickets or there were no seats left and you opted out.  Calm down; do not shake a ragey fist at the screen. All is not lost. For die-hard fans, if you still want the best seats in the house and are prepared to pony up some cold hard cash, head to TickPick or StubHub where the scalpers live. These options are pricey and infuriating  BUT if you’re willing to pay for it — they got it. Because, ‘Merica.


So there you go. Now you have an action plan for snagging the best tickets. Steps that don’t involve throwing elbows and sharpening shivs to get what you want. Although, that would make for a mighty fun blog post.


Jack White knows what's up.

Jack White knows what’s up. Yeah, he does.



No Comments
  • Reply

    Renee Lourdes

    August 4, 2014 at 6:57 am

    Take down these “tricks & tips” NOW damn it!

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