I Peed Like a Boy and I Liked It

Last weekend I went camping. I’ll spare you the usual jaunty tales of sitting in the sun and drinking wine.

 

But yes. Wine was had.

But yes. Wine was had.

 

Instead we’ll talk about something much more important. How I peed in the woods like a boy.

Last Christmas, my little sister bequeathed to me something apparently only Montanans have heard of – the GoGirl.

 

DSC02730

 

It’s basically a silicone female urination device that allows women to pee while standing up.  I was curious. I took it out of the tube…inspected it…

 

"I shall name you Bob. And you shall be my friend."

“I shall name you Bob. And you shall be my friend.”

 

Had some fun with it…

 

 

DSC02729

 

 

And briefly flashbacked to that one Beetlejuice scene…

 

"What scene i--Oh right. THAT scene."

“What scene i–Oh right. THAT scene.”

 

And then decided to test it out. The instructions seemed simple: “Just hold GoGirl against your body, forming a seal. Aim and pee.”

Easy pee-sy.

I probably should have tested it at home before taking it into the wilderness but once I was down to my skivvies, ready to take a leak, I was hit with the “Where do I seal?” worry. I know pee flows from my urethra; however, cupping a plastic cylinder thing-a-ma-bob around it so precise-like rivaled a Mensa test.

“Where’s my urethra?!” I lamented to my husband in my best Brad Pitt what’s-in-the-box? voice from my hiding spot in the trees. “I can’t find it.”

As always, he promptly drank his wine and ignored me.

I was a tad befuddled. I mean, it’s not like I can unzip my zipper and stick it in like the website suggests (adjust your clothes; there’s no messing up your jeans – uh, yeah right), I do wear underwear, so you still have to de-pants.

So I did it. And I cupped it.

It worked. Sort of.

scene-missing

 

Like I said, I should have practiced before. But it wasn’t bad. And the thrill of peeing while standing up can never be matched.

It’s a cool product. I can see where it would come in handy when a bathroom isn’t around.  I’m just probably not the best person to use it. I’m a fumbling mess with poor aim and unsteady legs (gentlemen).

I guess, when nature calls, I just prefer squat-lounging back against trees like the uncoordinated woman I am.

 

 

 

 

 

 

No Comments
  • Reply

    Colleen S.

    April 19, 2013 at 3:31 am

    OMG! This is hysterical!

  • Reply

    Kent Rogne

    April 19, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    But, you will never be able to: “Give it a quick shake to sanitize for future use.” Advantage, Mr. Man
    :-)!

  • Reply

    downanddirtydesign

    April 19, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    So, #1 I am super proud and happy you used this; #2 I hate to break it to you, but it works PERFECTLY when you bend down like a woman to pee. I know, I know- peeing like a man seems cool…but women have cunts which automatically makes us much cooler. So next time try it bending down and i promise you will love it- or even try it against a tree- it will help not splash on your shoes/pants. But remember- don’t shake it more than twice, because then you’re just playing with it.

    Did you see I used the ‘c’ word? :)

  • Reply

    downanddirtydesign

    April 19, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    OMG I LOVED THIS. See my comment though!

  • Reply

    megtuite

    April 21, 2013 at 9:07 pm

    I can never understand instructions so I will have to stick to the squat and watch my shoes technique that is a 50/50 success story.

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