All You Need is Love. And Cocaine Apparently.

Hunter S. Thompson is one badass mofo.

I love the guy. He’s a favorite of mine. He does things with words I can only dream about. I recently finished Hell’s Angels and every chapter, every sentence, left me slack-jawed. Hunter S. Thompson could have written about the mating habits of slugs and I’d gladly devour it.

Wait. Do slugs mate?

Yes. Yes they do. You're welcome.

Yes. Yes they do. You’re welcome.

I’ll never write like this literary godsend. And I’m okay with that.

I also know I’ll never have a writing schedule like the guy. Although, clearly, cocaine did wonders for the guy. I read this article a few months ago on Uproxx about his daily routine, and while I’m not sure if it’s real or not, I’m kind of hoping it is.

hst

HST’s dietary habits have me insanely jealous. If I ate like that my stomach would capsize and groan like a manatee.

I imagine they sound like a mix of Chewbacca and Lucille Bluth.

I imagine they sound like a mix of Chewbacca and Lucille Bluth.

I also intensely applaud HST eating fettuccine alfredo in the hot tub. The closest I get to this is using red vines as straws when I drink my glasses of wine while reading my Sweet Valley Twins books in a tub full of Mr. Bubble.

I write sporadically throughout the week but Sunday is my full day reserved to write. I screen calls, I don’t leave the house, I sit my ass in a chair. My schedule doesn’t rival HST’s but I have a schedule and I think that’s what matters.

Or maybe cocaine matters. Beary the Bear seems to think so.

Or maybe cocaine matters. Beary the Bear seems to think so.

My Sunday Routine

8am – church. Haha. Just kidding.

8am – alarm goes off

8:07am – hit snooze again

8:45am – rise but no shine

9am – coffee promptly made

9:10am – fish oil pills to take the edge off

9:30am – dick around on Twitter

9:35am – coffee, read flash fiction stories at various lit mags

9:45am – coffee

10:15am – coffee

10:45am – story submissions and ZOMGCOFFEE

11:30am – begin blog posting

11:45am – coffee and/or pizza consumed

Noon – shower, consider becoming a carny

12:30pm – put on pants

1:00pm – edit novel-in-progress

3:00pm – consume Michelob Ultra

3:10pm – make poop jokes on Twitter

3:30pm – more novel edits

6:00pm – wine and write/edit flash fiction

8:00pm – scrounge up a semblance of dinner and a TV show

8:45pm – TV or writing

10:00pm – drops iron pills

10:15pm – reads Cracked.com

11:30pm – sleep

There. That’s what my typical Sunday involves. It’s raucous ain’t it?

If you want to share your writing schedule, complete with drugs, alcohol and veiled perverted references, send it to me and I’ll post it next go round.

No Comments
  • Reply

    D

    March 24, 2013 at 11:07 pm

    Lol literally

  • Reply

    susan tepper

    March 24, 2013 at 11:52 pm

    My Sunday is just as ‘exciting’ but involves more food intake. No drugs. Been there done that. The Summer of Love is so over (for me).. Sweet and funny posting Jules! You’re the original’s original.

  • Reply

    Michael Gillan Maxwell

    March 25, 2013 at 12:27 am

    Hey Jules! I LOVE HST and highly recommend Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Hey Rube, Generation of Swine and Songs of the Doomed, Kingdom of Fear as well as either of these 2 biographies Gonzo and/or The Strange and Savage Life of Hunter S Thompson. However, i don’t recommend trying to emulate his pace or lifestyle. 😉 I had the good fortune to meet him a number of times when I lived in Colorado during the 70’s once in Boulder, once in denver and twice in Aspen. Even physically ran into him in the Hotel Jerome in Aspen when we both rounded the same corner going different directions. It was december and everyone was bundled up in down parkas, but he had a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, flip flops and his legendary cigarette holder. he even bought my companion and I a drink. There’s another story, but I wouldn’t want to write it on your blog. For the best rejection leader ever here’s a link to his classic rejection letter. If you ever edit a journal, I recommend using it as a template.
    http://gothamist.com/2011/08/17/when_hunter_s_thompson_penned_rolli.php

  • Reply

    mgmaxwell

    March 25, 2013 at 12:30 am

    Sorry about all those typos, but my dogs were barking and I had to fend off an intruder in the middle of my post.

  • Reply

    morgan

    March 25, 2013 at 12:54 am

    Hunter would have like you and taken you away as one of his assistants. I was around when he seduced a beautiful student reporter at the State Press (ASU), Maria Kahn.

  • Reply

    Kent Rogne

    March 26, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    When Hunter S. spoke at UND back in the early Eighties, he spoke at the Chester Frtiz Auditorium. It is a strange, almost high-rise affair, with the nose-bleed seats nearly as close to stage as the front-row seats. It was done , as most in its day, in dark walls and floors. And in the Fritz’s case, crimson-upholstered seats. As Hunter S. sat in an equally tacky red-upholstered Queen Anne chair on stage, he looked out intently at the audience with equally red eyes. He gave us an uneasy, quivering-lip smile. He then said, “I’m a little nervous, this is like looking out at a wall of heads bathed in blood.” He had two UND football players flanking him to keep him from hitting on his flask. Campus rules prohibited alcohol consumption anywhere except the Alumni Center. Gotta keep the donors drunk and happy, I guess. Can’t remember a word he said after that,….guess I got a little too stoned off-campus prior to the show…UND had rules about that too……:-)!

    As regards your Sunday routine,……wait until you are old enough that you have to drop Ex-lax because the iron supplements you dropped previously,are now binding up your bowels. :-p!

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