Horror Movie Countdown

I pride myself on being a decent horror movie watcher. I want to present my top faves to the masses in the hopes that I can spread the gore.

This was a hard one. I took everything into consideration to narrow it down to just five. There are so many horror movies that have that ONE SCENE that makes the movie, but no. This won’t work here. So taking into account the puke factor and the chills and the fact that it’s a “good” movie, I finally, after much teeth-gnashing, narrowed it down to the Top 5 Horror Movies that will forever haunt my crazed psyche. That’s it. That’s the litmus test.

Inside

A French horror movie that realizes the worse scenario. You’re pregnant. You’re home alone. And someone wants your bebe. But it’s fucking French, people. So that means Paris Hilton’s not starring in it. You got real actors. The French’ll kill you. Pregnant or not. After about 20 minutes in I really wanted to kiss the villain just because she’s so bad-ass with the whole scissor-wielding-thing.

Yeah. This.

I watched this on a dreary day. The husband was out of town and I screamed. I screamed loud. The cats fled. I practically went into labor but then I realized I had just pooped myself.

 

Martyrs

“Let’s stare off into space and no one will notice the blood.”

When I watch this movie I literally want to take a Brillo pad to my skin. I’m not kidding; I want to scrape and scrub. After finishing, I sat for a good ten minutes feeling disgusted. Shamed. Paralyzed. I took in what I had just watched. But this movie is more than gore. It starts as your typical slasher flick and then brews into some sort of shocking esoteric philosophy. The ending still hurts.

This is pretty much how I spend every Saturday night.

The Descent

This movie is fantastic. It has an actual story line  developing characters, taking about 30 minutes to build suspense. It’s got a nifty female-centered plot, friendship, and all that jazz.  It could be a horror movie for the whole spelunking aspect alone. Tight spaces and panic mode make a fun little combo. But then, drop in sightless creatures and buckets of blood that even Carrie would be jealous of, and you’ve got a damn good movie.

“Nothing to see here. Just move along…”

Halloween

One slight change to the tagline and then entire premise would have been much messier.

This is a classic and it’s wonderfully done. Honest but damn good thrills. I remember actually watching the real movie, one rented from a Blockbuster, not the one that plays on AMC, and being amazed at how good it was. How much wasn’t cut. The music is the star.

High Tension

Another French flick to make my Top 5. Let me set up this scenario. Two minutes into the movie there’s a shot of a truck. It’s rocking. Slightly, swaying back and forth.

Cue my sister: “Watch, whoever is in there is probably skull-fucking something.”

Cut to: inside of the truck.

Yup.

She was right. Without ever seeing this movie SHE WAS RIGHT. And I was afraid for my life. My sister, the horror movie prophetess, everyone.

The gore, the twist, the French-ness, all blow my mind.

Kinda like this.

5 Runners-Up: Brief Explanations a-la-Twitter (shameless, because I just really can’t narrow down)

The Exorcist: Dear god. The soundtrack. The pea soup. The exorcism.

Loved Ones: Torture porn with a sense of humor. Yes, please. My cousin introduced me to this movie, so blame her.

Human Centipede:  Mouth-to-ass. Enough said.

Cannibal Holocaust: I puked in my mouth a little. I felt dirty. I can’t in good conscience recommend it but it wounded my psyche a little bit. This isn’t a good movie but I had to mention it if you want the disturbed factor.

The Ring: I’ll never get the girl crawling out of the TV out of my head.

What picks make your top list? There’s a little horror aficionado in all of us.

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  • Reply

    Kath

    October 15, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    I sense a theme here… All your top 5 star a strong female lead. I can’t argue with that. And I’ll stand by my theory that the French are becoming the stand-out horror/thriller filmmakers. 3 out of 5 of your pics are French and I believe The Descent is British. So kudos to your list! Mine would be quite similar.

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