Write Angry. Slash Tires. I’m An Experienced Woman.

 Until recently, I’ve been a no-means-no type of person.

Well, except when it comes to cake. Or wine. Or when it comes to trapping cats in laundry baskets because, c’mon, that shit’s just hilarious.

Admit it. You laughed.

But back to the no.

 Now, I don’t want to give you the wrong impression that BY GOD THESE PLANS MUST NOT BE RUINED. It’s just that I hate having plans. I’d rather wing my free days. I hate commitment. I hate wearing pants. I hate exhausting the energy to plan stuff…and move around in some sort of movement-thingy-motion. I’d rather lie on my office floor and let that cat lick my eyelids. That’s a lot more fun than picking out window treatments.

[side note: when you’re choosing blinds and  staring at window selections named “fudge truffle” and “tranquil tea” you’ll very soon want to strangle yourself with the pull-cord.]

I do like a set schedule. I like to come home during the week and do my thing. I like free weekends. And I realize I’m contradicting myself. But weekdays are for the ordinary and weekends are for me. That’s an apt summary. Now…this brings us to the writing bit. Sundays are my day to write. Try to ruin my carefully laid writing plans and I’ll cut you. This is one thing I stick to faithfully (not the cutting thing but the writing thing). I’ll cancel your birthday before I give up my writing day.

But not really. You have cake.

Okay, so now we get to the part where I become a better person or AKA: My point.

Lately, I’ve been trying to see things in a new light. If I have to do something or an opportunity creates itself, instead of moaning and whining, I’ll take it. For example, I’m not a fan of travelling for work. Sure, it’s fine. But I get homesick; I miss my husband and my cats and my writing schedule. But I can do it. And I do. When I’m there I rock it. 

Like this. I rock it like this.

I use my travel to write disgusting blog posts. Travel’s the best part about all of this. Absorbing the atmosphere, learning the language, meeting new people. Whenever I travel I look at it as sweet, delicious knowledge.

Yet life isn’t always about travelling and sweet, sweet blow up penises. I’m a brave person but sometimes situations or persons I’m not familiar with can sometimes make me uncomfortable. Such is life. Bad stuff has happened. It happens to everyone. For myself, being able to think about it, take a step back, and put it to good use, makes me feel better about it, makes me feel in control. I can turn it into something positive.

For example, last week, I was followed to my car in broad daylight by a possibly shady character. I got courage of the not-liquid-but-I’ll-kick-your-ass-variety and warded it off, whatever it could have been.  Nothing happened. But you know what they say about possibilities.

Anyway. The thing I took away from it was that I was angry. And that it scared me. Yet becasuse of that now I know a true physical and emotional reaction of a scary and hopefully isolated scenario.  Did I want it to happen? No. And sure, I could write about this scenario without experiencing it but it happened. I now have the memory in this synaptic-firing brain. So I use it. I’ll log it away. I’ll pimp the shit out of it when I need to write and relate.

Now I’m not saying go out and slash some tires and get your ass tossed in jail. Although, think of the stories…

We’ll laugh about this later.

I’m just saying, every new/different/odd/(even) bad situation has potential. Use reverse psychology of the writerly variety. We’re voyeurs. We have to observe.

Put together your writer’s toolkit. I truly believe in the write-what you DON’T know notion (because imagination is fucking bliss) BUT experiencing the different and the abnormal can be a good thing too.  The more experiences you have as a writer, the more authenticity you CAN give to your writing. You don’t have to. Hell, I wrote a story about a diver based on pure research and someone asked me if I dived in college. And yet the only diving experience I have is with bars.

My drinking motto lives on.

I never dived in my life. I’m a poser. I LIED. But it worked, suckers. Imagination is a truly wonderful thing.

But so is living.

Lucky you get to choose both.

No Comments
  • Reply

    Harley May

    September 23, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    I love, love, LOVE this. I feel like I start all my comments about you that way.

    Take your every day pain/anger/experience and up it up ten notches in the writing arena.

    Have I ever been punched in the face before? No. I haven’t. But I’ve felt the emotional equivelant of that and I’ve used that pain, that embarassment, that anger to write about being punched in the face.

    You’re thuper.

  • Reply


    September 24, 2012 at 4:42 am

    I had no idea that we were so alike – I hate having plans that cut into my ‘me’ time.

    Also I have been trying to step out and write about things I do not have first hand experience with. It is both frustrating because I never know if it comes across as authentic enough and yet it’s so insanely rewarding when the fake experience you wrote about actually starts to feel like it was real.
    As creative people we get to lie with purpose. I love that.

  • Reply


    September 24, 2012 at 4:53 am

    Thank you to my two fave writers for the read. @HM – I adore you. I’m still waiting for your blog post. @Marda – OMG. I love this “As creative people we get to lie with purpose.” Amen. XO.

  • Reply

    susan tepper

    September 24, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Jules you are the original’s original, no denying that. Love the poolside ‘attraction’, very frisky… Yes, plans suck, window treatments suck, and, at times, life sucks. Keep these postings going, they lift my day!– Susan Tepper (in case wordpress says otherwise)

    • Reply


      September 25, 2012 at 3:01 am

      Susan, you have mastered wordpress. it knows you well. Yes, we all need a blow up penis in our pool. No window treatments. XO.

  • Reply


    September 25, 2012 at 2:19 am

    I can so relate ALWAYS to everything you write, Jules! Thank you, so much, for making me feel like I’m not the only albino penis in the pool!!! I’m a HUGE fan!

    • Reply


      September 25, 2012 at 3:02 am

      THANK YOU Meg. “Albino Penis in the Pool”. Now that’s a story you need to write.

  • Reply

    Ali Trotta

    September 25, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    I love this. I think Nora Ephron wrote, “Everything is copy.” I try to make use of that idea, when things happen.

    Thanks for sharing this, chica!

  • Reply

    Michael Gillan Maxwell

    September 26, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    Jules ~ you crack me up ~ seriously! LOVE your writing and your and whacky reflections and unique and humorous perspective on things. It’s all comforting in these strange and wondrous and challenging times. You always remind me to get over myself and you inspire me to keep writing. Thanks for being and keep shining your light!

Leave a Reply

Leave A Comment


  • #tbt to that one time I met John Mayer and could show off my stomach in short shirts. #throwbackthursday #johnmayer #tbt❤️ #bellyshirt
  • Best. Concert. Ever.  @thedevilmakes3
  • The Devil Makes Three.  Kill me. ❤❤❤
  • Pre-concert beers. #thedevilmakesthree #beer
  • I am breathing deep and sharing the first line of my (currently) unpublished book - "The Ramblin' Hand of Sherry Anne." After rewriting 75% of my last draft in three months, edits are finally fucking finished and I feel calm and peaceful and light. Typically, I tend to not want to share for fear of failure BUT I am freaking psyched. No more white knuckling this novel. Here goes nothin'. #teasertuesday #amwriting #amediting #manuscript #writerlife #writer #writermama #novel #publishedorbust
  • Bukowski, bath and bubbles. Book #1 of #2017. #amreading #bookstagram #bookworm #bathtime #bukowski #booknerd #books #reading #read

Follow Me