All I Learned This Month Courtesy of Snake Enemas

I realized it’s been a slow blogging month. Still, that doesn’t mean nothing happened. And what better way to get to the point and wrap the month up than with one of my favorite things. A LIST. WITH QUOTES. I have stuff I want to share with you guys.

Luckily, it’s all non-communicable so you’re safe. Read on.

“I can’t picture you in a dress.”

This quote amuses me. Said to me by a co-worker, I now picture myself as a man with a bowlegged stride to reinforce this myth. I take no offense though. This is true. Not the bowlegged stride but the dress bit. I detest wearing dresses. It means I have to shave my legs and make myself look better for all-around humanity’s sake. I’d rather wear a lumberjack’s checked shirt.

This is how my cat looks at me when I wear feminine garb.


“I’m beginning to understand that when we want to kill ourselves, it is not because we are lonely, but because we are trying to break up with the world before it breaks up with us.”

This gorgeous beauty is courtesy of Pam Houston’s Contents May Have Shifted, my current book-in-progress. I read this and swooned. It’s just beautiful and sad and eloquent and reinforces what a damn good writer she is. I’m a brand new fan.


“So Kiss the Girls took a dark turn. Can’t stop picturing snake enemas. You bitch.”

See what happens when I recommend books to people? My cousin has threatened to slap my face for this. Kiss the Girls is one of my favorite (and only) James Patterson books. Don’t let the watered down movie scare you away. This book is rife with mystery and antics that’d thrill the Marquis de Sade.  Clearly Mr. Patterson has done things with sweet milk and garter snakes that I do not want to posit.

It's the wrong hole but you get the picture.

Oh, and did I mention the snake enemas?


“…the character just came to me. In my eyes, he was a young, cute kid, who likes to get into trouble. Shaggy hair maybe. Cocky charm. Doesn’t fear the world. Has a way with the ladies. Especially on Valentine’s Day. Oh, is it wrong that I kind of want to date him now?”

I need to stay away from my characters.

This month I got interviewed by Susan Tepper for Fictionaut’s Monday Chat. I discuss my story “An Ordinary Broken Heart” which will soon be up in video format at Connotation Press. I will read it for you. See me stutter my way through in May.

This screenshot of my video reading really says it all.



“I can help with that, my uterus exclaims! I can give you an extension of your own self-identity.”

Love this piece “My Uterus is Trying to Exit My Body” from New Wave Vomit. It’s old but new to me. It befuddles me a bit because it challenges some of my own beliefs about my uterus but I enjoy it. And yes, I have thoughts about my uterus.

Very much.

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    March 21, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    That is a great picture! :)

    And congratulations with the video-reading on Connotation Press! It’s such a great story!

    An acquaintance of mine once said that she felt like a drag queen every time she put on make-up and a dress. I know the feeling!

  • Reply

    Michael Gillan Maxwell

    March 21, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    :-) Why is Daddy in a dress indeed! I recently watched a show about “taking up serpents” in a Pentecostal church in Harlan County KY as well as other locations – late night channel surfing, 3/4 buzzed, watching in rapt fascination right before I started speaking in tongues myself. How does this even relate to your post? Oh yeah – the photograph of the woman cuddling with her snake reminded me of that. I just saw a reference to Contents May Have Shifted. Somewhere. Can’t remember, but I liked the title. Looking forward to your video reading in May. Keep us posted. Especially if there’s gonna be any snakes involved.

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