The Plan at Pure Slush

January’s Pure Slush Counterpoint Story features Berit Ellingsen and I with complimenting pieces. Berit’s main piece The Punishment is a unique tale, and when asked, I jumped at the chance to write a counterpoint story.

It was a fun ride. Let’s just say I dove deep for this one. Pretty damn deep.

Here’s an excerpt from The Plan.

~~~

She flicks her hair. “I hate you.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Why’d do have to do it?” she asks. “Why on my birthday?” My sister wrinkles her nose. Her face looks wavy in the plastic wall that separates us. “That’s all they’ll remember now,” she says. “Not me. Just you and that gun.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You said that already.” She crosses her arms. Exhales. “He came by the house the other day.”

“Who?”

“That guy…the guy who keeps poking his nose into our business. Doing research on you or whatever for the court.” My sister laughs, a little chirping sound. “I think he thinks mom used to beat you or something. It’s pretty funny.”

I put a hand to my temple and watch the light. “Hilarious.”

~~~

Visit Pure Slush to read the entire story and Berit’s piece The Punishment. Special thanks to Editor Matt Potter and Ms. Ellingsen.

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  • Reply

    Michael Gillan Maxwell

    January 27, 2012 at 4:17 am

    yeah well this was pretty fantastic…..came across it accidentally, which is to say there’s no such thing as a coincidence. Anway – I’ll dive back I and copy and paste my original comment tomorrow, Bone chilling-gripping-intense-sad – and all too real. Terrific writing – pieces by two different authors that fit seamlessly together. Bone chilling-gripping-intense-sad – and all too real. Terrific writing –
    .

    • Reply

      julesjustwrite

      January 28, 2012 at 4:16 am

      thank you for the terrific comment. I really feel honored.

  • Reply

    Michael Gillan Maxwell

    January 27, 2012 at 4:19 am

    sorry – repetition is not my style – case of man VS machine

  • Reply

    downanddirtydesigns

    January 27, 2012 at 5:45 am

    This is really great Jules. I read the whole counterpoint (as well as the first part from the other author) & think both POV’s are amazing. Before I got to yours however, I thought “that would be neat to see this from the killer’s POV…” however, I honestly thought it would be too risky to write it this way. But, WOW, you really pulled it off. Beautiful work!

    • Reply

      julesjustwrite

      January 28, 2012 at 4:17 am

      Aw, thank you so much. Glad I could get into the mind of the killer. It was actually kind of scary; did some method writing by listening to the song but I am really pleased with the outcome.

  • Reply

    kathydfish

    January 27, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    What a great idea! Great excerpt. I’m going to read both stories when I get a chance.

    • Reply

      julesjustwrite

      January 28, 2012 at 4:17 am

      Thanks Kathy! Hope you enjoy when you read; I appreciate you taking the time.

  • Reply

    Berit

    January 28, 2012 at 9:37 pm

    Thank you again for writing this brave counterpoint with me!

    You dared to tread where I didn’t. :)

    “I think he thinks mom used to beat you or something.”

    That line is so accurate. Did you read about the case in Norway, or was this a logical inferral?
    I watched some interviews and they pretty much said the same thing as that line.

    Thank you again for the great counterpoint story!

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