Archive for December, 2011

Book Breakdown of 2011

Posted: December 28, 2011 in Uncategorized
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No, as the title suggests, I did not have some type of mental/nervous/experimental breakdown over books. In June 2011, I did a 6-month book recap, bemoaning the fact that Stephen King reads 80 books a year (80!) and I apparently can’t keep up like the Slacker McSlackerson that I am.

Since 2012 is approaching very soon I figured I’d post my final tally — ahem, breakdown – for 2011. Prepare the drum roll…

17 books. Maybe 16.5 if you want to get all technical about it, ya frickin heathens.

"READ US ALL OR PREPARE FOR DESTRUCTION."

Not bad. I am pleased with this figure. I’d render the verdict that my favorite from this list has been Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by HST. Nothing can quite compare to the goldmine of quotes in this gem of a novel (as I dissected in a prior post).  That’s followed by The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test (I sense a pattern developing here, don’t you?), then Cunt (changed my life), rounding out my top three.

The three main things I have gleaned from this list are that: I have an affinity for Stephen King, an obsession with Rob Lowe and I say the word cunt a lot.

And so we go—

The List – In Order of Having Been Read:

  1. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S Thompson
  2. Doomed Queens by Kris Waldherr
  3. The Lady in the Tower – The Fall of Anne Boleyn by Alison Weir
  4. Damn Sure Right by Meg Pokrass
  5. Sweet Valley Confidential by Francine Pascal et al
  6. Light in August by William Faulker – I quit this book on page 50 so it doesn’t really count. As painful as it was to quit I couldn’t do it.
  7. The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls
  8. What May Have Been by Gary Percesepe and Susan Tepper
  9. Stories I Only Tell My Friends by ROB LOWE
  10. The Electric Acid Kool-Aid Test by Tom Wolfe
  11. Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
  12. The Dome by Stephen King
  13. Howl and Other Poems by Allen Ginsberg
  14. Full Dark No Stars by Stephen King
  15. Cunt by Inga Muscio
  16. Ayiti by Roxane Gay
  17. American Gods by Neil Gaiman

This is how I pretty much read all my books. Minus the pre-teen adolescent boy and stoic glare.

How did everyone else do? What was your number? Your list, your faves? Your rejections?

Am I the only nerd who keeps a book journal and names it Jeeves?

Only time will tell.

2012 Goals, Easy as Your Mom

Posted: December 18, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Let’s talk 2012 goals.

And not those pesky ones either, like how you’re going to join a gym this year and swear off carbs or how you’ll only reverse-speak to your co-workers while you do some sort of fantastic eyeball-popping dance like that dwarf in that one Twin Peaks episode we all worship.

Oh wait, that's just me

What I want to talk about are the goals you will make in 2012 for your passions. Your true loves. And if you’re reading this blog, they probably have something to do with reading and writing, like my own.

 

Read More Books by Women Authors

I am making it a goal to only read works by female authors during the first three months of 2012. After reviewing my book tally for 2011 (more on this later) I realized the majority of those authors have dicks. That’s all fine and dandy but I need to expand my horizons; get into books of a female mindset and support female authors.

I am crediting this idea to Inga Muscio, author of Cunt, who says, “It’s not a bad idea…to focus solely on the artistic expressions of women for at least one year. That way you notice not only the…prevalence of male artistic expression much more, but the mother lode of inspiration and brilliance our grandmothers, mothers and sisters have produced.”

While I’m not willing to give up Stephen King for a year, I am ready and able to immerse myself solely for three months. And after that three months, incorporate more female authors into my reading diet.

Bring on Dorothy Parker and Mary Roach and Kathy Fish.

 

Finish my Zombie Novella

Not much to say on this. Just, in the words of Larry the Cable guy, “Git-er-done.”

Pray for me.

Not you, Willem DaFoe

 

Join a Writer’s Conference

I recently read an awesome article on a blog I follow called 5 Reasons to Sign Up For a Writer’s Conference (check it out, it’s a great resource).

And I’m gonna do it.

Maybe.

I found one that’s in Arizona at ASU in February and while I want to do it, it is a bit nerve-wracking. Thoughts like, “Am I ready for this?”, “Can I pass as a writer?”, “They’re all gonna laugh at me,” do run through my brain from time to time, but like Rob Lowe* starring in the Drew Peterson: Untouchable story, I think I can get over it.

But just barely.

I-I really have no words for this

 

I think it would be a good thing. Writing is so solitary, it would be nice to emerge, blinking into the light and interact with some writers. Share writing, make connections, and learn from these experiences.

Now to get the time off work and the cold hard cash.

Apparently, Emilio Estevez really takes writing conferences seriously

 

See that? Three goals, easy as your mom. And while I am lazy and could probably shell out some more ideas, I’m keeping with three goals because I feel they are doable.

Any more would probably wreck my sanity (not that that’s saying much) and impede on my daily slackerness.

So tell me your tales. Tell me your goals. What do you hope to accomplish in 2012, personally and/or professionally?

 

 

*And yes. I try to make a Rob Lowe reference at least once a month.

Completed Edits and Bear Fights

Posted: December 11, 2011 in Uncategorized
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I have successfully finished editing all 208 pages of my story.

For real real?

And holy hell, do I have a shit ton of work to do.

Yet, instead of being discouraged by the long road ahead of me, I am actually rearin’ and ready to go. Keyboard, hear my bear roar: I AM EXCITED TO TYPE AGAIN. In fact, I am practically salivating.

While editing is a necessary process, it was a little painful to not jump right back into a part of the story that needed fixing and start typing away. Instead, just like watching Fast Five (you know I’m talking about you Vin Diesel), I forced myself to plow through it until the very end and finish.

The process I used is simple – I kept a notepad on my right side and the manuscript to my left. As I went through and edited, I’d note the edits with numbers on the manuscript and then on the notepad, the number and explanation.

Often times the explanations looked something like this:

My grasp of the English language astounds me

 

So here I go again, back to the revisionary drawing board. Strumming the keyboard with words. And while I have come to the realization that I am the slowest writer in the world, I am also okay with that. Because I want it to be good.  And I want it to be done.

Although, my slow writing is starting to attract MMA bear fighters.

Their adorable claws and furry pelts are my muses

What Girls Really Think –by Berit Ellingsen

Posted: December 2, 2011 in Uncategorized
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The guest blogger for the month of December is Berit Ellingsen, a writer I’m very fond of and lucky to know.

Berit Ellingsen is a Korean-Norwegian writer and science journalist whose work has appeared in various literary journals and anthologies, most recently or forthcoming in Thunderclap, Pure Slush, SmokeLong, Metazen and decomP. Berit’s debut novel, The Empty City, is a story about silence. This is her second story with predatorial fish.

~~~

What Girls Really Think

 by Berit Ellingsen

  

They sat inside the smell of dead seagull, bleach and formaldehyde, beneath the mute stares of a stuffed red fox and a mounted brown and white marten that bared their small teeth ineffectually at the void.

The middle-aged museum taxidermist scrunched up his face, leaned forward and asked in a reverent tone:
            “Do you get a lot of attention from boys?”

The thin, twelve year old girl in front of him tried to duck away from his sour breath. She didn’t know the answer to his question, because it didn’t connect with reality. What did “a lot” mean? What did he mean by “attention”? Compliments? Invitations to dates? Tugs on her hair? She received nothing of the former but plenty of the latter. Her long hair seemed irresistible for pulling, sometimes so hard the roots creaked when the braid was tugged like a church bell by eager little hands.

There was something more to the man’s question than just his words and curiosity, something unformed and threatening, like the shadow of a leviathan passing below the surface. But she wasn’t interested, because the man wasn’t interesting, so she refused to search for it, or be scared of it, whatever it was.

“I don’t know,” she said. “Maybe sometimes.”

The taxidermist leaned back in his chair. He knew he had gone as far as he could risk.

The girl’s mind was cold and clear and still. She sighed and thought of the piranha in the display tank in the museum basement, how much she looked forward to watching them get fed and see the raw meat spread out in cloudy little chunks, blushing the water, instead of trying to reply to unintelligible, unanswerable questions.