Bend Over and Let Me (S)Pank You

With much fanfare and joyous occasion let me brag that I am in PANK.

Today, people.

It’s up.

 My piece Guerilla Drive-In is ready to be read HERE. Or you can listen to my melodious tongue warble out the words.

But before we get all overexcited and squirmy, let me tell you why I am oh so very pleased.

Roxane Gay (among others) runs this show. And I know there are many more fab folks behind the scenes that I am not familiar with but the one that I am is Roxane Gay. This woman is a glossy dream. Her words stir me. She makes me want to be a better writer. I read a piece of hers and I have to catch my breath. Seriously. Go see what all the fuss is about.  Here is a goodie:

The other reason (besides her writing) is that she is coolest, most badass writer chick I have the pleasure of following (and sometimes interacting with) on Twitter. She loves movies; she doesn’t discriminate (The Will and Kate Lifetime movie or Fast Five) and often gives the most entertaining movie reviews I’ve ever read.

She reads deliciously cheesy books. Case in point: Sweet Valley High Confidential.  

Her blog would eat mine.

So when I got the email, late one night and read the words –We would like to publish your work in the May 2011 issue of PANK online. This was so strange and so fantastic. The ending disturbed me in the best possible way – I yelped, jumped off the couch, forgot about the horror movie I had been watching and spread the joyous news to my husband and cats.

PANK liked me. And you better believe I love them.

Which brings me to my next point. As a writer it’s fun for me to set goals. Everyone needs something to aim for, kind of like Tara Reid trying to become a respected actress. It’s fun for a while but then all you want to do is pass out over a toilet seat with your skirt above the waist.

Luckily, I am not there yet. Luckily.

And so what I did in my own passive-aggressive competitive style was make a list of highly regarded lit mags I love to read and would love to write for and I said, Yes, yes, I will conquer you. Then I drank some Captain Morgan and practiced my shimmy.

I had three high on my list. >kill author, which I was published in in February 2011, SmokeLong Quarterly and then PANK. In fact, both >kill author and PANK were listed in Flavorwire’s 2010 article: The 10 Online Lit Mags You Should be Reading.  

I had submitted to PANK a few times before Guerilla Drive-In and each time my submission was turned down. I vowed I’d find the right story. It was hard; they take excellent work that has an odd edge to it. Right up my alley yet I couldn’t seem to get there.


Then one bright, glorious day I wrote about a girl name Violet who lets her toes get sucked. And when I named my flash Guerilla Drive-In PANK was the first on my submit list. I crossed my fingers and danced a jig. And in the end, here I am.


That’s it.

I’ve finished my gush fest.

So check out PANK’s May 2011 edition. That’s all I really wanted to say.

Read Guerilla Drive-In and a few of my faves from the issue:

Lidia Yuknavitch’s On Being a Woman Writer 

David Holub’s Fakiness

Barry Basden’s Why My Grandfather Had All Those Bessie Smith Records 

No Comments
  • Reply


    May 17, 2011 at 1:01 am

    Recognition well-earned, Jules! You rock my socks off.

    Congrats over and over again.

  • Reply

    Barry Basden

    May 18, 2011 at 10:42 pm

    Stunning piece, just stunning. I’m going to go read it again now.

  • Reply


    May 19, 2011 at 2:13 am

    Harley – thank you so much. You rock me too.
    Barry – Wow. Your kind words are so appreciated. I’m joyful. Thank you.

  • Reply

    Christina Yeager

    May 24, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    I am so happy that you are finally making people feel disgusted through your writing- that is a hard feat to accomplish. Love this post & love your similie regarding Tara Reid. Nicely put.

  • Reply

    Robert Paul Moreira

    June 2, 2011 at 1:30 pm


    You [s]panked me. Great fucking piece. I’m still trying to crack into PANK myself, so I can appreciate your celebratory tone.

    Congrats, and keep up the good writing!

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